Clarity

I just finished the biggest part of my mental health rotation working in-patient psychiatrics in the state-run hospital. (I still have a few days left working in out-patient clinics). One of the big predictors for how well these patients would do once discharged was the quality of their support system on the outside. Many of them had come from absolutely tragic upbringings and had only toxic relationships in their lives. Many of them will likely be back within months--this was the fifth or sixth or tenth admission for some. It was a tough rotation for me. It left me feeling beaten and defeated most days.

At the same time, it also left me with a huge sense of gratitude for the people in my life. My parents and siblings--how lucky am I to have nothing but happy memories of my childhood? My family is still an amazing support system for us. When Kolby was laid off a few years ago, one of the things that calmed my panic attacks was knowing that "the worst" that could happen was we'd have to pack up and move to Utah and live in the old house for a while. And that just sounded nice, living next to Mom and Dad and having Pammy and our siblings and nieces and nephews close. And after this rotation I realize what an amazing thing that is--going through life always knowing that you have a soft place to fall.

And the "family of friends" we have made up here in the Northwest have helped us raise our kids, supported me in so many ways while I've been in school, made the holidays away from family less lonely, and loved us and loved our kids like family.

There's an Eddie Vedder song that catches my attention every time I hear it:

I'm a lucky man, to count on both hands

The ones I love

Some folks they got one,

and others they got none...

After spending a few weeks with those folks who have one or none, I feel lucky. Very, very lucky and incredibly thankful for the people in my life. You know who you are. Text me if you're unsure.

Edited to add: I got a text from Kolby. Apparently my husband doesn't identify with the "we" I used in the post. Maybe he thought I was talking about me and the cats whenever I said "we?" I guess I can understand how you could make that mistake. Anyway, absolutely Kolby and the girls are also a very important part of my support system keeping me out of the looney bin. And so are the cats.