I have nothing for you.

Nothing.  And so I offer up the best blog post I've read in a good long time.   Tears streaming down my face as I read this post from my good friend  Finslippy.  (I've actually never met her.  I just like to think she'd want to be my BFF if we stumbled upon each other in Brooklyn, NY).

(See original post here.)

UNCLEAN!

My friend Irene was here last week, visiting from her exotic homeland of London, England. We were at lunch, and then I confessed something, Somethinghorrible.

Me: I have to say, I feel a little gross. I didn't shower for a few days, and then this morning I went to the gym and when I got back home, the water was shut off because they're doing some kind of plumbing work. 
Irene: [Horrified stare]
Me: So then there wasn’t enough time to go back to the gym and shower and still meet you for lunch, but we have this kind of large Brita container, which holds a lot of water, but it was in the refrigerator, so I basically gave myself an icy sponge-bath. And then dumped the rest of the water over my head. Which was bracing, to say the least. It was like an ice-cream headache, only more so. 

[Irene stares at me as if I had told her that I like to poop in the sink.]

Irene: But…why didn't you shower in—how many days, did you say? 
Me: Um. A few? Maybe a couple. I kind of can't remember. 
Irene: You can't remember the last time you showered? 
Me: I can't say my showers are all that memorable. Don't look at me like that. You live in Europe! You should be comfortable with the unwashed! 
Irene: You used to shower every day, in college! 
Me: Are you saying you still shower every day? 
Irene: … 
Me: ! 

Then we agreed never to talk again.

Or rather, we made fun of each other for a while, then changed the topic. I may have made her smell me, at some point. (For the record, I smelled fine.Ice water and baby wipes can accomplish quite a bit.) 

It should be said that Irene does not have kids. (And no disparaging Irene, please; she's one of my best friends and I will have to come to your house and give you a noogie if you do.) (Don't think I won't.) So I could say that she has all the time in the world to take daily showers. But my son is six. It's not like he's an infant. I have time. And yet I find myself forgetting to shower. Forgetting, or deciding there are better things to do, like, I don't know, read? You can't read in the shower, after all. Someone needs to fix that. 

I ran into my other friend (I have more than one!) Jennifer today, and we were talking about this not-showering habit of the children-having. Jennifer has two kids, so she has more reason to not shower. "Not only do I not shower, but I forget to brush my hair," she said. 
"I don't own a brush," I countered. 
"I never look in the mirror," she said. "One day I got my hair wet in the outdoor sprinkler, and my hair was all plastered down on one side and it was like that all day. And I had no idea." 
"Oh, I have to look in the mirror," I said, "because I usually have something crazy stuck in my hair. Like a cat toy, or a pack of gum. Seriously. Did I tell you about the time I walked around with a hanger hanging from the back of my coat? I never leave home without giving myself a once-over." 
"I'm going to shower now," Jennifer said, "Since I just went to the gym. So that’s good, right?" 
"I hope your water is on, but if it's not, may I recommend ice water and baby wipes?" 

Somewhere in England, a glamorous, freshly showered woman wept for all of us.